


Why The Hell Have We Become Food?!

by novnovina



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2015-11-27
Packaged: 2018-04-30 11:54:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5162918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novnovina/pseuds/novnovina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They become food</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Everybody! My name is Nova and this is my first work here!
> 
> So.....basically...this fanfic will be a complete joke but i'm a joke  
> perseon so I guess the story will be a lot of fun for me to write! :D
> 
> It's a joke because it includes the Generation Of Miracles, Kuroko and  
> Kagami turning into food... I feel like a genius  
> I hope you enjoy the first chapter of this fanfic/joke...

It was a sunny day in Japan when suddenly, The Generation Of Miracles recived a text from Nijimura Shuzo, wanting to meet all of them again in Teiko to celebrate the good times they have had there. at the second the text reached him, Kise Ryota was the first to pick up his phone to see what this is about.  
______________________________________________________________________________________  
Hello Everyone, I would like us to have a reunion in Teiko to celebrate the good times.  
at 16:00.Text me back if you are planning to come. 

Nijimura Shuzo  
______________________________________________________________________________________

"Ohh! A meeting in Teiko! I'm going for sure!" Kise said with a lot of excitement

"This better not be a waste of my time" Midorima said while lifting his glasses

"Ahh....I don't feel like going..."Aomine said . "Dai chan! you will be late for class!". It was Momoi Satsuki who rushed to him, worried about his grades. "Ahhh...don't feel like going to that either..." Aomine said while closing his eyes and beginning to fall asleep. "either?" Momoi tilted her head to the side trying to figure out what was that other thing Aomine refused to go to." is there another thing you don't want to go to?" "Yeah...I got a text from Nijimura saying he wants to meet us..blah blah blah..". Momoi looked angry at Aomine "Dai chan! It's your friends from middle school! you should go! at least for a few minutes." "Ahh...alright.." Aomine got up on his feet and went with Momoi to class.

"Ahh?...Niji-chin want's to meet us?..." Next was Murasakibara who just finished his bag of chips. "I guess i'll go.."

"Nijimura kun wants to meet us?" of course it was Kuroko who seemed happy about the whole thing and texted back that he was coming. " What is this Kuroko?" It was Kagami Taiga who appeared behind Kuroko. "Oh. Kagami kun. It's a text from the former captain of Teiko's Basketball Team wanting to meet us". Kagami later noticed he got a message too. "W-What?! Why am I invited too?! How did this guy got my number?!" Kagami looked nervous. "I wonder too..." Kuroko said while trying to calm Kagami down

15:50 in Teiko

"Is everything ready Akashi?" "Yes captain. The table is set and and the food is ready" Akashi was helping Nijimura with planning the reunion. "I told to please call me Nijimura. I'm not the captain anymore". Nijimura got a text from Kagami asking who he is. "Do you think inviting this guy was a good idea?" Nijimura looked at Akashi. "Yes it is. you will enjoy meeting this guy" Akashi said, looking confident in his decision to invite Kagami too. "But..he was not even in Teiko..." Nijimura looked confused.  
"Hi guys!" Kise was the first to arrive as well. "good to see you Ryota". "Akashicchi!!!I missed you!!" Kise ran to Akashi and gave him a big hug. "Wow..slow down Kise" Nijimura looked worried about Akashi. A second later Midorima, Aomine and Murasakibara arrived to the place followed by Kuroko and Kagami. Midorima looked behind him and was surprised to see Kagami came too "Why are you here" Midorima asked him. "I-I got a text too..." Kagami was still a bit confused. "Thats okay Kagami. we were expecting you. I'm Nijimura Shuzo, the former captain of Teiko Basketball Team". "H-How do you know my name?" Kagami looked even more confused. Akashi, who was finally able to free himself from Kise's embrace told Kagami he gave Nijimura the idea to invite him.  
"Is there gonna be any sweets?" Murasakibara asked. "Maybe later" Nijimura answered him.

They sat to the table while Akashi was bringing the food he made by himself. "Ohh!!! Akashicchi, you made this? it looks delicious!!" Kise looked at the dish and couldn't wait to eat it. As Akashi served food to the others, Nijimura brought a bottle of sauce to the table. "What sauce is this? I've never heard of it before" Kagami asked. "it's something special I made" Kagami looked at the bottle of soup "Okay...." Kagami thought if eating it is a good idea. Kise already poured some sauce on his dish and so did the rest. A few minutes later, They finished their dishes and were surprised by how good Akashi can cook. "Can I please have more Akashi kun?" Kuroko finally finished his first dish while Kagami was chowing down his fifth. Akashi gave more to everybody until there was no more left. "Wow Akashicchi! your'e an amazing cook!" Kise said as he leaned back. "Iv'e never seen you eating so much Kise" Said Midorima who was sitting beside him. "same goes for you" Aomine said. Murasakibara was still eating what was left on his plate. "Can I have that Murasakibaracchi?" Kise pointed at Murasakibara's remaining food "Leave him alone. he's big so he needs a lot of food, besides, your'e a model! if you'll eat so much, you'll be fat!" Aomine said. "F-F-F-FAT?!" Kise said looking scared as if he was going to die" "I don't want to become FAT!" Kise said as he was slowly turning pale. "Calm down Ryouta. You'll be fine" Akashi tried to calm Kise down when suddenly, Everyone started to feel weird. They felt a twitch in the middle of their stomach. A second later, they felt another one, and another one...they thought that maybe the food is what caused this. "Geez Akashi...what did you put in there?.." Aomine said, holding his stomach. "I swear there is nothing wrong with the food. I would never poison you guys..".  
"Maybe THAT is the issue" Akashi pointed at the bottle of sauce that everyone used. "That sauce did smell weird after all.." Said Kagami. After that, There was a big explosion that caught Nijimura's attention who was busy washing the dishes. He rushed to the table to make sure everything is okay. "What....the...HELL?" was his response as he saw everyone after the explosion. "Ahh! why am I a banana?!" Said Kise who just looked down at himself. "You should be thankful you are a tasty fruit...I'm a prune..." Said Murasakibara who looked disappointed with what he was. "Shut up! the two of you! I'm a damn carrot!" shouted Midorima with anger. "Hm. I'm a blueberry" Kuroko said. "Aren't you mad about this?! I'm a tomato!" Shouted Kagami. "look at that...I'm a cranberry" said Akashi "What the heck was in that sauce?!" Aomine the eggplant asked, pointing at Nijimura. "Wh-what?! I don't know! and what if it's not the sauce?!" Nijimura walked a few steps back. "it's got to be the sauce. I did not make one mistake while making the food and besides, you told me you made that sauce when you were seven" "WHAT?!" Everyone shouted. "You let us eat sauce that is about a decade old?!" Midorima said angry. "Okay then maybe it's the sauce but it doesn't mean there is no solution to this problem!" Nijimura said, trying to calm everyone down. "This is a disaster.." Kise burried his face in his banana arms. "Don't worry! I SWEAR I will find a solution to this mess! You will no longer be fruits and vegetables! leave the rest to me" Nijimura said as he was posing like some kind of a super hero. "Stop posing like an idiot Nijimura" Said Midorima who was trying to lift his glasses. "O-oh no...my arms are not long enough for my glasses! NOOO!!!" soon everyone joined him ,screaming with agony.


	2. Takao predicted the future!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't wait a week to write another chapter :D

It was about an hour after that all happened...the boys/fruits/vegetables have already returned to their homes. they were scared to hear what their families had to say about it but after they explained, their families promised they will support them. A day after that, they all had to go to their schools. but before that, something amazing happened.

"Ahhhh....what a weird dream that was...pfffftt...I should write that one down.." Said Takao who just woke up from is crazy dream. He took an old notebook and wrote his dream down. "I gotta tell Shin chan about this..." he said as he got up from his bed and started to get ready for school. When he got to the kitchen, his mom gave him his bento and he noticed it has a carrot in it. He just stared at it, for a few seconds. His mom reminded him he should go to school so he went out the door thinking about the dream he had. As he got to school, he saw Midorima, the giant carrot. "What the HELL?!" was his response of course but then, he just burst out laughing. "Oh. good. laugh at me won't you?" Said an angry Midorima but Takao kept on laughing. "for god sake Takao this is not a damn joke!!" Midorima shouted which made Takao laugh even more. "Holy hell Shin chan...pfft!...why...are you wearing a carrot costume?.." Takao said as he wiped of his tears. "I told you i'ts not a joke! I...I became a giant carrot okay?!" Midorima tried to get away from everybody as Takao started laughing again but stopped as he remembered what his wacky dream was. "Hold on Shin chan! don't go!" he shouted. "What? you want me to stay just so you could laugh at me some more?" Midorima raised his voice a bit. "No not about that....I-I had the weirdest dream...it involves a carrot" What is it then?" Midorima said with a curious look on his face. " It started with you making elephant noises when suddenly..." Midorima couldn't wait to hear the rest of the dream but was a bit embarrassed by the elephant noises part. "Suddenly...you became...a giant carrot...". Takao's eyes became wide open. "Shin chan...I saw the future.." Midorima was surprised with how realistic Takao's dream was. "Your'e...not bluffing..right?" he asked looking a bit nervous. "No Shin chan I swear i'm telling the truth" his eyes became opened wider. "Maybe my next dreams will help you get out of this trouble!" He said and couldn't wait for the day to end so he can fall asleep and help his precious Shin chan. Suddenly, they remembered they were late for class and the two ran as fast as they could. When they got there, the entire class stared at Midorima. Midorima's face became red and he wanted to leave the class but the teacher stopped him and told all the other students to mind their own business. Takao sat down and Midorima tried but his carrot figure wouldn't allow him to do so. "Grr...stupid carrot body SIT!!" He shouted which made the entire class laugh a bit. Takao was on a different level, he was rolling on the floor and couldn't breathe. "Takao!!! your'e embarrassing me!!!" Midorima shouted and Takao tried to get up on his feet again. "Shin...chan...DON'T..say that again....I couldn't breathe for god's sake...pfft..pfffttt" Takao tried to stop himself from laughing again. "Class please! be quiet! your'e embarrassing him!" The teacher shouted. Takao sat on his chair but Midorima still couldn't. He had to stand the entire class until there's a solution to his problem. Class after class, Midorima had to stand up on his feet the entire time. When it was finally practice time, Midorima wasn't able to play. "He...sucks to be you Shin chan..." Takao said when he started stretching. "Shut up Takao i'm in enough pain already" Midorima said while pointing at his legs. "Damn..I can't stand anymore and I cant sit as well.... what should I do..." He thought to himself. "You should lay down" Takao said. Midorima listened to Takao's advice and laid down on the floor. "Look at yourself...we have a practice match today! how will you play?!" Said an angry Miyaji Kiyoshi. "Look there's nothing I can do about it okay?! I had dinner yesterday and I used some suspicious sauce and now i'm a giant carrot!" Midorima said sounding hopeless. "Ahh....whatever...by the way Midorima..." Miyaji said as he went back to the court. Midorima tilted his head to the side. "DON'T use sauce that you have no idea what it's made of!" He added. Midorima sighed and tried to think about a solution.

It was evening and Midorima returned to his house. He put down his lucky item and searched online for a solution. To his disappointment, no one had this problem before. He left his computer and laid down on his futon. "Why? I took my lucky item with me yesterday and today and now I'm a carrot..." He said to himself while starting to close his eyes. About an hour later, his little sister arrived to his room. "Shintaro-nii! dinner's ready!" Midorima woke up and went to the kitchen. He was quite surprised to see that Takao is their guest for the evening. "Oh hi my carrot son! We invited Takao over to have dinner with us. he figured out a way that will allow you to sit!" Midorima suddelny became curios and asked what it is. "Your'e gonna love this Shin chan!" Takao winked at Midorima and got out to bring the special seat he prepared for him. Midorima suddenly turned hopeless as he saw the special seat. an old toilet. "Ta da! I found that in a junkyard!" Takao said. "Ohh! That's a great Idea Takao!" Midorima's father clapped his hands. "Naa...that's no big deal" Takao blushed mildly. Midorima finally had something to say. "Takao..." "Yes Shin chan?" Takao said. "Are...Are you for real...." Midorima added. "C'mon son! that's the only way you can seat properly" His father tried to encourage him. "Properly?....I rather stand..." Midorima said. "Oh no dear. you stood up enough for today. your'e going to damage your legs" His mother said worried about his health. Finally, Midorima gave in and sat down. Takao tried to keep himself in control, but he couldn't and he burst out laughing. "Takao!" Midorima shouted as he noticed his little sister started laughing too. "Both of you, stop!" He shouted again but the two just kept on laughing. "Please, the two of you, we have to support Shintaro until there's a solution okay?" Midorima's father was able to calm the two down and everyone started eating. When dinner ended, Takao asked if he can spend the night here and Midorima's mother replied positively saying he can always spend the night in their house. Later on, Midorima and Takao went to bed and Takao promised he will support Midorima and a second later, of course, he burst out laughing. "Takao!" Midorima shouted. "Okay okay.." Takao surrendered and a few minutes later,the two fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takao just LOVES laughing does he?  
> Anyway, next chapter will be released in the next two weeks


	3. The Tale Of The Giant Banana

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating this in a long time! but..I still hope you enjoy this chapter ;)

Kise was on his way to school, waiting to be laughed at by all the others. He was sure he would be asked at least once what made him...well...a giant banana. He was totally embarrassed by his new look, after all, a model should always look his best, But as for Kise, that little dinner ruined everything for him. He begged his parents to let him skip school until he returns to normal, but they refused saying his grades are disappointing and he must improve them as soon as possible. "Heh...this sucks...now EVERYONE are going to laugh at me and call me pathetic...I hate being a fruit!" He told himself while walking to school. As he reached it, A bunch of kids just...stared at him. As a model he is probably used to this kind of stuff but not today. A few seconds later, they all started to laugh, hard. "Tch! stop it!!" Kise shouted but they kept on laughing. One of them even asked if it's Halloween today. "I told you! stop!" He kept shouting. His cheeks were so red, people could've mistaken him for a tomato, despite his banana body. Kise got sick of all this and ran away until he reached to the back of the school gym. "Phew...I got away..." Kise said as he wiped the sweat of his forehead when suddenly, he noticed there was a large cardboard box next to the garbage cans, large enough to fit his banana body in it. "Ho thank god!" Kise seemed hopeful and ran to get that box. As soon as he wore it, a few of his fangirls came say good morning like everyday. "Kise kun!" They all shouted while running toward him but he didn't seem really happy about the whole idea, " What if they ask about the cardboard box?" He thought to himself. The girls kept running until they noticed he is wearing a cardboard box. "Kise kun?...um...why are you wearing a cardboard box?..." One of them asked looking confused. " Oh that? Well...I..a.....I..." Kise didn't know how to answer these girls. "Umm....A-all of my clothes...are..dirty! yes! all of my clothes are dirty!" Kise said looking confident in his fake answer. "O-kay..." They said in response. "By the way, were really waiting to see your new photoshoots!" one of them said looking exited. "Pho-photo...shoots?..." Kise nearly passed out. "Yes! It's today right?" "Y..es...." He said, walking back a few steps. "Kise kun...is something wrong?" One of them asked. "N-no no! i'm.." "Please! if there's anything that's bothering you, we would like to help!" One of the girls cut Kise in the middle of his sentence. "No I'm fine. Really. I just...gotta go..right..now" Kise said pointing somewhere like that's where he is planning to go. "Okay then..." They said looking disappointing. "Hey don't be down! I'll...I'll meet you later okay?" He said with a gentle smile. "O-Of course! Kise kun!" The girls said while blushing. "Well...bye!" Kise begun walking away and waved at the girls Who send him kisses through the air. "When the girls where nowhere around him, Kise allowed himself to lose his cool. "PHOTOSHOOTS?!" He shouted "I CANT DO IT!!!NOT WHEN I'M LIKE THAT!!!" Kise began turning pale like a wall. He fell to the ground, totally hopeless. "this is the end of me..." He whispered to himself as his phone rang, he saw it was Kasamatsu Yukio, and he is probably not happy. "Oh god..." Kise was thinking if answering it would do him any good but he also knew that if he hangs up, Kasamatsu will call him again, and will become even angrier at him. eventually, Kise picked up the phone. "H-hello?.." Kise said turning pale again from fear. "KISE!!!!" Kasamatsu shouted which hurt Kise's ear. "Ouch!" Kise replied while rubbing his ear. "WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?! YOUR'E 20 MINUTES LATE FOR MORNING PRACTICE!! WHAT ARE YOU, AOMINE!?" He shouted once again. "Captain! please, my ears are bleeding!" Kise said. "I dont care!! get your ass in the gym now or i'll throw you of the roof!!" Kise hung up and rushed to the doors of the gym. When he finally got there, he remembered that giant bananas can't play basketball. "Where is that squirt?!" Kasamatsu asked his teammates who happened to stand next to him. "Kasamatsu senpai?" Kise called him from out of the gym. "Hey isn't that Kise's voice?" One of the first years asked. "it better be" Kasamatsu said as he approached the door. "Senpai? It's me, Kise! We have a problem" Kasamatsu calmed down a bit and walked out the door. The first thing he did was of course, hitting Kise. "Why the hell are you late?! He asked him. "Ouch! my banana back!" Kise said as he tried to get up from the hard floor. "Your banana what?!" Kasamatsu asked looking at Kise with a confused look on his face. "Oops..." Kise wanted to hide the fact that he is a giant fruit but he blew it. A few seconds later, he gave in, got out of the cardboard box and told Kasamatsu the whole story. "How can sauce make you a giant banana?!" Kasamatsu found it hard to believe Kise's story. "It's true senpai, trust me!" Kise sounded desperate. "Fine..." Kasamatsu sad down on the concrete stairs that led to the gym doors. "But how the hell will you play today?" He added. Kise replied saying he has no idea. Suddenly, Kasamatsu has an idea how keep Kise in shape until this whole banana thing wares off. "Come in, I have an idea" Kasamatsu got up followed by Kise. as they entered the gym. Everyone thought it was a huge joke, but Kasamatsu explained everyone what happened to Kise and they went back training. Kasamatsu told Kise to do 20 squats and then take a break for a few minutes, and then run three rounds around the court and take another break. He had to repeat it until the practice it over. "Senpai, I don't see how this is helping me.." Kise said while squatting. "Don't worry, It's going to build your muscles, besides, you cant do anything else right now" Kasamatsu answered him and went back to the court. "Gosh...I wish I could train like everyone else..I wanna dunk, I wanna pass, I wanna shoot I want to play basketball dammit!" Kise thought to himself while he was on his first break. "Stupid banana body is ruining my life..." He added. When practice was finally over, Kise rushed to hide again where no one can see him. after a few minutes passed, A teacher appeared in front of him. Kise Ryota! why are you late for class?" She said while putting both her hands on her waist. "and why on earth are you dressed like a banana?!" She added. "Well...um..." Kise wanted to explain to the teacher what happened but she cut him in the middle saying she has no time for that and dragged him by his arm to class since he refused to come on his own. Kise's morning was terrible. As he started to walk home, He remembered he has photoshoots this afternoon. He panicked and quickly called his manager but no hope. Kise leaned on a wall he was walking by and tried to relax a bit. the time flew by pretty quickly and suddenly, Kise got a phone call from his manager. He picked up the phone and told his manager that he cant come today and his manager asked him why in which Kise didn't know how to reply to. "Well..um...i'm..sick..*cough* *cough*" his manager seemed confused saying that these coughs sounded fake in which Kise replied saying he is out of town. His manager later said that he shouldn't be out of town if he's sick. Kise finally gave in and said he is a giant banana. His manager thought Kise is just trying to play with him and told him to please come to the studio. " Oh no..." Kise said while walking toward the studio. As he got there, his manager looked at him and told him to get out of that banana costume. "But it's not a costume! I can tell you the full story." Kise said. his manager listened to the story and was convinced by it. "Well that's a shame. we promised your fans some shots of you in winter coats and stuff" His manager said. Kise suddenly had a great idea. "Can you just take headshots of me?" his manager seemed happy about this idea and told Kise to get in front of the camera and look pretty. Maybe Kise had a quite cruel day at school but the afternoon photoshooting was a success. As soon as Kise came home, he sat down to have dinner with his family and went to bed. finally, he could end the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wahoo! A long chapter! the next one will be about the purple titan or should I call it...purple prune titan? I don't know anymore...


End file.
